Feeding Frenzy

For over a week, it's been all Imus, all the time. This is such a frenzy, and there are so many double standards and such hypocrisy on all sides here, that it's impossible to even make a judgment or know where to start.

While I wouldn't call myself a fan of Imus himself, I am a regular listener of his show. Sure he's a craggy fossil, and often clueless about even his own opinion, but somehow, I find his show entertaining. Hey, I often like Andy Rooney too.

The nappy-headed hoes comment was stupid and offensive, but is it any moreso than the everyday putdowns that drive his, and most other radio talkshows? To me it was just his attempt to be cool. The term is regularly tossed out in hip-hop music, and he probably just threw it out, both to be funny, and to appear more with-it than his resemblance to the Old Man of the Mountain would suggest. As with many radio hosts that are double the age of their listeners, he often uses terms he doesn't fully understand in a pathetic attempt to be relevant.

But with all the offensive language that is regularly heard on the airwaves, whether it's in hip-hop music, talk radio, or on Comedy Central, who would ever guess that this one offhand remark could become a week long, 24-hour news story, and would potentially end his career? In a world where there are often no boundaries, how is one to know when one has been crossed? As William Hurt's character in Broadcast News says: "It's hard not to cross, they keep moving the little sucker, don't they."

The bottom line is that if Imus is fired over this, the real right-wing hate mongers like Rush Limbaugh better be fair game too, as well as the pushers of hate-filled music and comedy.

I hope he checked with Katie

White House spokeman Tony Snow was just diagnosed with a recurrence of Cancer that doesn't sound too good. I wish him well. He's got the toughest job in America, as chief spokeman for The Idiot. I just hope he has checked in with Katie Couric before making any career or family decisions. If you saw the interview with John & Elizabeth Edwards, you know it's now Katie's job to decide what is appropriate behavior and what people should think.

Who Wants to be a Pedophile?

That should be the new title of Dateline, since the show (which was always fake news in the worst sense of the term), has become nearly 100% Chris Hanson standing at the kitchen island confronting potential child molesters. The show is on now as often as Who Wants to be a Millionaire was a few years ago when that was briefly a ratings juggernaut. And its on all the time for the same reason as Millionaire-because it too is a ratings bonanza.

For the brief time I can stand to watch it, I don't know if I am more repulsed by the slime that come through the front door looking for their 12 year old dates; or by Hanson emerging from the back room to confront these loosers, as if being a pompous blowdried news anchor gives him licence to play cop, detective, judge, and social worker. The show has no more social value than Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader, and probably less.

And now the spillover has affected MSNBC, which has become the repository for endless reruns of the show, and now has Joe Scarborough, (who I was actually starting to enjoy, if only because its fun to hear Republicans bash Bush) nothing but a shill for the show. If Olbermann starts pushing it, I'll be done with him too.

Are Bostonians ALL Complete Idiots?

First off, as a graphic designer, who has had to work with more than my share of marketing people over the years, I will state plainly that ALL MARKETING PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS. In fact, I've been working on a project for one all day today, which is why I didn't catch onto all of this Mooninite business till late this afternoon.

Clearly it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that strapping battery powered devices to bridges all over a city, might be cause for alarm by somebody!!

But how in hell did it take the entire apparatus of local, state and national government, and the mainstream media until 5:00 PM, after a full day of shutting down bridges, tying the city in complete knots, and blowing up electronic cartoon characters to figure out what was going on here. Seems like there were clues all over the place. I mean, there are pictures of this thing all over the internet, and the thing has been set up in 10 other cities for two weeks. Are Bostonians just particularly ignorant?

The most comical point in the whole day for me was Channel 7 blurring the finger (3 light bulbs) of the Mooninite so that no viewers would be offended. I'm just offended to live in such a completely nutjob society.

7-day Weather Forecasts

Weather forecasts are a pretty dubious enterprise as it is. Seems that two days ago, Thanksgiving was going to be a warm sunny day, and now it's going to be a washout. But many of the stations now seem to be doing 7-day forecasts. 7 days out there is a snowball's chance in hell of them getting it right, but that's besides the point. Like all else in local news, this started with a marketing consultant. At Channel 7, the marketing tie-in is obvious. Who cares if there is a 1% chance of them getting it right? Why pass up the chance to be able to reinforce the brand by saying Seven on 7 every time you give the weather. Now by this logic, Channel 4 would be doing only 4-day forecasts, but there must also be a page in the consultant's handbook that says you can't forecast any fewer number days than your competition, even at the expense on not being able to reinforce your brand.

I'm sure somewhere, there is a Channel 10 attempting to do 10-day forecasts. And I wouldn't be too surprised if somewhere down the road, Fox 25 jumps on the bandwagon & attempts to do 25-day forecasts. Hmm, you don't think that with Channel 7 taking over the news operation at Channel 56, they would have the balls to go for a 56-day forecast do you?

New Leader in Boston's Worst Newscast Race

There is certainly some heady competition in the contest for Boston's worst newscast. On any particular night all three 11:00 newscasts, as well as both 10:00 newscasts could just as easily take the prize. It's a vast wasteland. But the new kid on the block, Channel 38's 9:30 newscast has lately risen to number one with a bullet.

It's just horrible. First off, who the hell designed the news set. Color scheme is so 1999. Tiny little desk the anchors stand at is just weird. Looks like they just went to Home Depot & loaded up on stuff out of the clearance bin. I think those are metal wall studs sticking out of the anchors heads. Even the widescreen TV that the weather is presented on looks like the weekly loss-leader special at Best Buy.

The news script is just painful to listen to. Sara Underwood, while still somewhat of a babe, is so dumb she makes Maria Stephanos look like a Rhodes Scholar. It's especially awkward when she attempts to do serious world news (something that of course, isn't attempted too often.) The only possible positive is Jon Keller's political analysis. He's a certified geek, but head and shoulders above the likes of Andy Hiller on Channel 7. But then they force him to race through his commentary while a 38-second clock ticks away.

It's just dreadful.

Globe magazine becomes Gay Lifestyles Weekly

When did the Globe magazine turn into The Advocate?
(Not that there is anything wrong with that.)

Lately it seems almost every feature in the Globe magazine focuses on a gay couple. This week's issue is the home design issue, and the lead story focuses on Marty Layne and her partner, Patty Bird's new kitchen/living area. Last week, the story was about couples overloaded with mortgage debt, and sure enough the opening of the story featured Gregory Truman and his 56-year-old husband. A few weeks ago, I remember some story on schools, and one of the features was on a gay couple choosing a school for their kid. The "Coupling" column is just as often about a gay couple as a straight couple.

Now let me preface this by saying that I could care less about gay marriage at this point. When it first came up, it did seem overreaching to me. Why not settle for "domestic partnership" or something, rather than pushing for something you know is going to rile up all the right-wing lunatics, and play right into the Karl Rove playbook. But at this point, who the fuck cares! There is a lot more to worry about in this country, and I'm certainly against any right-wing efforts to amend the constitution to outlaw gay marriage.

But it is clearly obvious that the editors of the Globe magazine are going out of their way to infuse gay culture into the pages in a major way. And even though I am generally liberal, especially on social issues, I still find it strange, and a little manipulative to be reading a mainstream magazine, and find so many what seem forced instances of gay domestic bliss portrayed. It's almost like a mandate that the editors now have to include an example of a gay couple in every feature package.

Five All News Channels and No News

Been busy and havn't seen the news in a couple days. So I try to flip to one of the cable news channels. No fucking news! MSNBC has some documentary about a prison in Illinois, CNN has the miserable Larry King with the miserable Suzanne Somers, FOX has yet another anniversary show celebrating 10 years of unfair and unbalanced news. Headline News has the completely horrifying Nancy Grace. All I got is NECN, which is usually fine, but Tom Ellis is on, and he just creeps me out. Looking for straight news on the news channels is getting to be like waiting for a music video on MTV.

Dirty Tricks from Fox News?

In case you have any doubt about Fox News' right wing bias check out this little "mistake" from Bill O'Reilly's show last night. This went on for quite a while apparently, with Mark Foley indentified as a Democrat in the crawl. Now, of course, anybody paying attention knows Foley is a Republican, but that's not the point. Fox News is all about the subtle manipulation of the ignorant masses. The people who hear the 10 second sound bite that reinforces their already formed opinion. Or hear O'Reilly simplistic black and white solutions delivered with absolute certainty. Then spout the soundbites back as their own opinions, without any understanding of the complexities of the underlying issues.

Now, I'm not generally a conspiracy theorist, but after what I've seen from the Republicans and Republican-sympathetic media the last few years, I would put nothing past them. It's like the fraction of a second ad saying Eat More Popcorn that was slipped into drive-in movies in the 50s. I could see this as just one more Karl Rove inspired trick to subconsciously make the Fox News watchers think Democrat when they hear Republican.

Sidekick is swallowing my Globe

So today the Sports section from my Globe was missing. Searched everywhere and finally found it inside of Sidekick. Yesterday the same thing happened with the Calendar section.

So what is the deal with Sidekick? It's this silly little section the Globe launched with great fanfare a year or so ago. I never read it or quite get the point of it. On the web, it makes a bit or sense, but in print It's just an annoyance like the Sunday advertising flyers. I guess it's supposed to tell you everything that's happening in town today. But I would expect that to be in the Arts section where all the other arts and entertainment is. It seems to me like a place for them to stuff all the things they don't know what to do with. It has comics and TV listings in it, but I never bother with either. I seem to remember the comic people being pissed in the beginning because they shrunk the comics down to fit them in it. And here's a question: If the TV listings are in it, why aren't the movie listings in it?

My biggest gripe is that it's always printed so badly, that at least the color pages are illegible. I mean, I'm in the publishing business, so I know that newspapers always send the crappy copies as far away from the city as they can-mainly so advertisers don't see them. But how can a big city paper like the Globe regularly have copies that are printed so badly they barely deserve to be put under a birdcage? Hey, maybe I'll send my copy directly to the advertising department of Jordan's Furniture. Their ad in the center of the thing today is so out of register, that's it's illegible. I'm sure Barry and Elliot would like to know what their hard earned advertising dollars are buying them. Mine always looks like this. And not only that, but the section is so thin, and the paper is such shit, that there are always creases across it, so even if the type is in register, you still can't read it.

But printing issues aside, the thing is ridiculous anyways. If it had all the arts and entertainment in it, and was like a mini-Phoenix or something, that would be one thing. But to stick a few listings, some stupid sections like the chess quiz, the "Reflection of the Day" (today's is "One does not love a place the less for having suffered in it") in this pidly little 12 page section & try to make it out to be some big innovation is ridiculous.

Any then to start burying Sports and other legitimate sections inside this joke of a section it is sort of like AOL taking over Time Warner. Look how well that worked out.

It's a Fluff Circus

Can't we all just stop talking about Fluff and get along?

• No kids shouldn't be served Fluffernutters every day for school lunch.


• No, our legislators shouldn't be spending time making laws to this effect.


• No, the Fluffernutter shouldn't be the state sandwich.


• Can't you all just get back to important issues like flag burning, and let talk radio get back to immigrant hysteria.

I sort of feel responsible for this, because Sunday at the beach (the day before Fluffmania started) I got all Cambridgey and scolded the wife for bringing Fluffernutters for the kids.

Bullshit News

When I read the story on the front page last month saying the spring floods had washed away much of the area's mosquito larvae and that this would be a milder than normal year for mosquitoes, I just knew that the story would turn out to be bullshit. Or that within days I'd read a story that said the exact opposite.

Now, after the first real summer weekend, it's clear that the mosquitoes certainly weren't washed away, and are heavier than ever this year. Just another case of the news media grabbing some "scientific study," splashing it on the front page, or top of the newscast, whether or not it has any basis of truth.

How to run a news business in the 00's: Just grab yourself a scientific study that has a good headline, and fills 30 seconds of airtime, or 20 column inches of your newspaper. Accuracy is unimportant.

You might as well not even watch or read the news, because chances are half of it isn't even true, anyways. One week a glass of wine a night is a great health benefit. Next week, a glass of wine a night can increase your risk of colon cancer.

Tonight at 11: More bullshit news.

Worst Person in the World

I hesitate to even mention Ann Coulter, because she is the perfect example of someone who is only a public irritant because she is constantly given a forum by the media. So even the mere mention on my stupid blog is adding to the problem.

Only solution to Ann Coulter and her ilk would be to ignore her and hope she goes away. Unfortunately the media can't ignore anyone, however horrifying. So she comes out with some outrageous, moronic comment, is instantly given a forum by the likes of Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh, which leads to her appearance on the Today show and Larry King, which leads to more sales of her books, which in turn leads to more media appearances, the cover of Time, and a place as a spokesperson for the conservative cause.

That's all it takes: You need no credentials, no IQ, no intelligence: Just toss out a few well times barbs, and the media machine does the rest.

The Frontline Guy Sells Out

The narrators of investigative news shows play a great part in conveying either the seriousness or the trashyness of the program. Listening to Stone Phillips and Chris Hanson on Dateline NBC, for instance, you instantly know that the show is nothing but tabliod crap, and will stop at nothing for ratings. The overproduced narration with forced pauses, and all the gimicks to tart up any subject. William Hurt forcing a tear on camera in Broadcast News is child's play next to these guys.

Frontline is the opposite of these shows. It's really the only serious investigative news show on TV. And a good deal of the authority of the show is carried by the terrific narration of Will Lyman. His voice is so identified with that show that to hear it anywhere else, is just wrong.

But now his voice is popping up all over the place as the voice of BMW. The ads are in heavy rotation. They are pretty decent ads, and the guy can't be expected to make a living just narrating Frontline (although I guess he is an accomplished actor too). But somehow hearing that voice of authority sell a car dimishes it's impact next time you watch a serious subject on Frontline.

But you know what. Here's an irony of media in the 00's: I guess given the choice of selling out by doing a car ad, or selling out & going to work for a network newsmagazine, he did choose the lesser mode of selling out. Car ads are by far a higher art form than network newsmagazines. Hell, so is Cops.

Roll Over Ed Murrow

So Katie Couric is going to become anchor of the CBS Evening News. One more step toward the cellar for television news. Obviously CBS learned nothing from the Connie Chung debacle of a dozen years ago. Success as a ditzy early morning infotainment show host, doesn't translate to success as anchor of a network newscast. Not that the network newscast is what it used to be, but whatever form the "newscast" ultimately takes, Katie certainly is not the answer.

What is the audience for a 6:30 PM newscast anyways? If anybody is watching TV at that hour, it would seem to me to be more likely someone of Bob Schieffer's generation, than someone wanting to watch Katie Couric. I'm somewhat of a news junkie, and I can't remember the last time I've seen more than five minutes of a network newscast. I'm lucky if I can get settled by 8:00 in time to watch Olbermann.

If I watch any, it is generally NBC. Brian Williams is about as bland as Wonder Bread, yet still somehow fits in the anchor chair, and carries on the tradition of the network news about as good as is possible these days. The little I've seen of CBS since What's the Frequecy Kenneth left, it seemed that at least Schieffer was watchable, and carried some of the authority of what was once the most respected news business in the world. Why CBS didn't replace Rather with Schieffer a decade ago, I don't get. Rather was just friggin weird. And all I know about Elizabeth Vargas at ABC, is that her face bugs me too much to watch. She always looks pained.

Katie would be fine to go up against Diane Sawyer or Bawbwa Wawa on the prime time crime and celebrity watch shows like 48 hours and 20/20. Those shows have already given up the right to be called news shows. That's the league she's in. She may even be slightly more tolerable than either of Diane or Bawbwa. But CBS News? Any of these proposed reinventions of the news will surely fail, and further tarnish what little is left of the network's reputation as a news business.

Does Jim Braude really drink Carnation Instant Breakfast?

Isn't it funny how talk radio hosts in Boston just happen to have such personal feel-good relationships with their advertisers?

I like to listen to Eagan and Braude on WTKK while driving around at lunch time. Today, I get in the car and turn on the radio to hear what the topic is. Jim is all fired up about something. Some liberal crusade? Some sleazy politician? Nope. He's all excited about Carnation Instant Breakfast. He goes on for almost two minutes about how he drinks it every morning, and how it provides all he needs to start off his day. He couldn't live without it. He's not just reading ad copy, he's telling you something he really believes in, just as if it were a topic on his show.

On the way home, I learn that Michael Graham gets his carpets cleaned by Kennedy Carpet Cleaners. He tells us about how much he's learned about carpet cleaning techniques while rapping with the guys cleaning the carpets at his house. They even call him by name. "Hey Michael, this is how we get those carpets so clean. Come take a look."

And I've heard many times from Mike Barnicle about his "good buddies" at Lexington Toyota. He can talk for two minutes about how great these guys are. It's like getting a personal testimonial from your next door neighbor about Vinny at the corner service station, and what a great job he does on your car.

It's all such bullshit. I mean, obviously all advertising is bullshit, but this somehow crosses the line. These are guys people supposedly listen to because they are talking to you straight. Exposing corrupt politicians, or bad government policies. Yet in the next breath, in the very same voice and schtik as on their shows, they are selling you some completely bullshit testimonial about a product they've probably never used. They are all ad-libbed and delivered in first-person to sound just like the show.

I don't place a ton of authority in any of these guys, but Braude is pretty smart. Doesn't it take away a bit from his credibility to hear him segue so smoothly from a passionate defense of some liberal issue like gay marriage to a faux-passionate sales job for why he can't live without Carnation Instant Breakfast?

911 Calls

Why do we have to hear the 911 call for every fatal accident, or other tragic incident that happens? What does that add to the public discourse?

This morning Channel 7 (of course Channel 7, although no doubt the other stations did it too) felt it was newsworthy to play the 911 call of the little 12 year old boy that was killed crossing the street in Bridgewater. I changed the station. I have two little kids. I don't need to hear that crap that does nothing but sensationalize this poor family's tragedy.

They are just shameless.

Channel 7 is the No News Zone

Rather than continuing to post about individual reasons why Channel 7 news sucks, I'll point to John Carroll's conclusion on last week's Beat the Press. After a report on Channel 7's recent fascination with stories on the occult, Carroll concluded that "Channel 7 is out of the news business. Carroll is great at getting to the core of issues of media stupidity, one of my favorite topics. Essentially that is the case, although I would argue that every local station except NECN is out of the news business.

They are in the "promote our own shows" business. They are in the "promote fear of everything" business. They are in the "whatever it takes to increase our ratings" business. But they are certainly not in the news business.

UPDATE 3/8

OK, If you need further proof that Channel 7 is out of the news business look no further than political reporter Andy Hiller's hard hitting interview with Gubernatorial candidate Christy Mihos last night. This was pathetic even for Channel 7. Sounded like one of those sarcastic Q&A's in the Improper Bostonian. Expect a report on Boston's Beloved Bartenders to lead the Channel 7 news tonight. How's this for The Hiller Instinct.

Hiller:"What is the correct pronunciation?
Christy Mihos "Actually, Mihos."

"What percentage of people get it right?"
"About 25 percent at best."

"Tell me three words to describe you."
"Tenacious… Oh, can I take that one back? Junkyard dog. That's three. Tenacious and junkyard dog."

"Did you make your millions, or were they given to you?"
"I made them."

"If you were a car, what kind of car would you be?"
"Boy I would really like to be a 1960 Ferrari Spyder convertible."

"If you could have any vanity license plate, what would it say?"
"No tolls."

"What's your favorite saying or quotation?"
"Andrew Jackson: 'One man with courage makes a majority.'"

"What's you favorite movie?"
"Forrest Gump."

"When's the last time you were drunk?"
"The last time I was drunk, I think I had a lot of wine on the millenium that night."

"Ever get high?"
"High, on what?"

"Drugs, marijuana…"
"Yeah, on marijuana. I can't smoke it but…"

"But you can inhale?"
"I can inhale, yeah."

"And when was the last time you inhaled?"
"I think 1972, my senior year in college."

The wise guys are already dismissing Mihos, insisting he can't win, but I'm not convinced. Mihos has money and a message: Politics as unusual. With so many voters here dissatisfied, he could be the next Governor. I'm Andy Hiller, and that's my Instinct.

Sorry to get all "PC" on you, but...

Not to be politically correct or anything, but it struck me last night watching Jack Williams tease and report the story of the murder of a co-ed in New York City, that it's a pretty outdated use of the word co-ed in 2006. He referred to Imette St. Guillen, the NYC college student who was murdered in Brooklyn, at least three times on the 11:00 news as the New York co-ed. Interestingly the station's web site doesn't use the term at all.

It's a pretty strange term isn't it? I guess the use of the word must go back to the days when women were first admitted to what were previously all-male colleges. But in a day and age, when there must be nearly as many women as men in college, it seems pretty odd and sexist (again, sorry for being PC) to refer to any female student with a term that pretty much says "you're not quite equal." What's wrong with just New York college student? Guess it just doesn't sound as tabloidy.

I'm really surprised the PC police aren't all in a tizzy over this.

Powerball Madness (again)

It's another record jackpot in the Powerball, which no doubt means it will be the top story on the local news tonight. A little free advertising for government-sponsored gambling. More encouragement for the lowest in society to go spend their welfare checks on a 146 million-to-one shot of hitting the jackpot.

The story will be more important than 1800 people killed by a mud slide in the Philippines, more Americans dead in Iraq, or even the Entwistle murder case. And the damn Powerball isn't even sold in Massachusetts.

So here's how it stacks up on the local stations tonight:

At 6:00:

• Channel 4: Not quite the lead, but they got to a full report by 6:05 before the first commercial break.


• Channel 7: Didn't get to the Jumbo Jackpot story until 6:17, but they did have the Olympics to promote. They also teased it before every commercial break.


• Channel 5: Took until after 6:20, surprisingly AFTER the mudslide story.

At 10:00 Channel 56 had the story of Powerball Fenzy by 10:06